By Jade McLove
So, I was sitting here the other day in my house and I figured out something on the 48 hour dead line which the Russians are giving America tonight. I figured out that every JOB I’ve ever had has been completely repulsive, forgettable, and awful, I sat here stating California is like living in a Hamster Wheel. I used to watch those as a kid, but I never thought I’d become the Hamster, I never thought in a million years that my life would turn into a LOOP. A technical loop is when a program does the same things over and over and never stops. The program just relives the same sequence of events everyday in the same way no-matter what! I’ve realized this is my life; from jobs, to stores, to shops, to even the people I know, and unfortunately for millions of us, we are all living this way.
I bet that F-tard Jerry S-Head Brown, lives His overly paid behinds life the way I do, except people like Him are so far down the rabbit whole in denial; they and He can never admit just how bad things have become in California for most if not almost all of the people living here today.
From bullying, to harassment, to sexual harassment, to racism, to jealousy, and just plain stupidity; if you have any type of job here you will run into some of the dumbest-people you will ever meet working in California. My last job, which I was fired from; “thank God!” Although if the other thing I hate the most; the passive-aggressive top Honcho could have told me instead of making me wait for two weeks before letting me know, because He can’t do anything without a smile on His face. I bet one day this main Character from Death of a Salesman will finally figure out just how insignificant His pathetic existence really is, but I bet He’ll go to the grave never realizing just how flaccid He really is. God! Don’t you hate those people?
As I sat in my Room thinking if I could escape and leave I would; just one problem no-money to pack and leave. Plus I don’t pay rent as the House is paid for, but it’s my fathers House. Still if I can get past the Concrete Jungle that never ends and repeats like a never ending loop down Ventura Blvd…I would be alright Monday when starting my next Teli-marketing Job in offices that resembles an overstuffed Broom Closet. It looks as if people are staked on top of each other, on Ventura Blvd; and I have never been so depressed about anything in my entire existence after losing my job at Ralph’s after two evil B’s thought bullying a bully who attacked her ex-Marine Boyfriend would be a good thing to go and do; and I kept thinking to myself are they bullying me with my teeth grinding. Until one day I called the evil B responsible and evil B…so I lost my job, or at least I gave up the Ghost of fight, and didn’t pursue it with the labor Union guy who wanted to save it. My mother stopped me, and my kids fathers death stopped it; my mother said, “why are you fighting because when you go back your just going to go through this and more, and they’ll do it again, and they’ll try to make you homeless.” So I had my Jesus moment and walked away rather than fighting for a job that I hated.
Which really hasn’t helped the depression which I’ve been suffering from; no appetite, no pleasure, and no desire in any of the hum-drum things I used to like doing. I believe I feel this way because life in most American city’s in America are about T.V, Movies, Bars, and the concrete jungle, and the endless supply of throw away shit that we all buy all the time. Oh, and lets not forget the way we look. I’ve been rebelling against using makeup; so I’ haven’t been using it lately. I’ve just been sitting there thinking how pointless everything I’ve done for the last 47 years except for this site, and my writing really has been; and it’s my own personal Death Of a Salesman moment; you know the story right? Where the Salesman whose been living in that river called denial for so long that when He finally wakes up to how shitty His life really was for all of His life, and what losers His kids are; he went to the back yard and shot himself in the head.
Although now with World War III on the horizon, I guess if I don’t get to figure it all out because the end has come; because the f-tards in office thought it would be a good idea to drop bombs on a country that has Russian forces protecting them. All for the social good of a group of people that they don’t really care about; think about how stupid this sounds; “can we drop bombs on the country to kill more citizens because the dictator whose running the place gassed 47 (I believe) people…?” Did you know that more people died in the Las Vegas shooting? But the difference between the two is that Russia wasn’t protecting the people that where shot in Vegas, if they had been, we probably wouldn’t go and drop a bomb on that concert would we?” I mean 47 people…seriously! We are ready to have Russia who’s threatened retaliation, and has a Nuke the size of Texas that is 6000 times more powerful than the Nuke that was dropped on Japan; who might now attack us or start World War III entitled under; “FOR WHAT?”. If they don’t like Assad then hire someone to assassinate Him like everyone else does and has done; how stupid is this. Right now we have our Battle Ships off the coast of Syria, and Russia has their military basses there, and I’ve heard through the grapevine that Israel has droped bombs on an Iranian Air base; so is it World War III or what, and why is our government and Media here in America not telling us about the 48 hour threat which was given by Russia?
Yeah, and I guess it is really selfish to feel sorry for oneself when World War III could break out any moment; but I’m only human. I really hope that this Job works out, and I really hope that people on the other end of the phone don’t try killing me with insults and hatred. I really hope that I can keep writing and keeping up with all of you. I’m leaving you with a Video dedicated to my abusive ex-dead-boyfriend/kids father, who beat me for 7 years, which is actually worse than if we would of broken up on good terms. Right now, I have a hole in my heart for California and for my ex-abusive-boyfriend/kids father, and I don’t know what to do about either. Whether I stay or I leave California… how do I change being dependent on store bought shit, and being trapped in a Hamsters wheel Rat race? Email me a message if you have a answer, and thinks if you subscribed.